It's Father's Day.  Every third Sunday in June we honor all the men who have Maverick Prestongenerously taken on the role of dad in some child's life. Today these men will be the recipients of coffee mugs, neckties, and barbeque equipment which they will cherish for at least a day.

But what about the guys who don't have children?  The men who've never volunteered to be a dad-like figure in someone's life? What do we even call these men? I mean, besides "happy," "lucky" or "smart"?

On paper, being a father is a bad investment. Financially, emotionally, physically, mentally … I could go on.  It's not surprising some men choose to not be a parent.  It makes sense some guys would forego eventually hearing their own teenage offspring whisper, "Can you act like you don't know me"?

At times I envy these non-father men, but we can't compare these men to a father. Heck, I don't even think these men should be considered adults. How are these guys different from a pamperedtoddler, really? What, a driver's license? A bank account?

What do these toddler-men even do with their free time? They probably just call it "time"!

Are there worries or concerns that keep these men up at night? Like, their child asking, "What am I going to have for breakfast?"  They probably just eat their breakfast. In quiet. No screaming. No conflict. Just quiet.

There's no comparison. One man has a rich, fulfilling life, and the other is a dad.

So, sorry, Father's Day is NOT for them. Those childless men will have to sit today out. Sure, they have other days. And, yeah, there are 364 of those days.

But not today. 

Today is Father's Day.

       
For more info:

• jimgaffigan.com | "Barely Alive" tour dates

        
Story produced by Lucie Kirk. Editor: Chad Cardin.

See also: 

• From laughs to ZZZs
  
• Do you get incessant messages from politicians asking for money? Jim Gaffigan does, too
  
• Jim Gaffigan is baffled over the mania for pumpkins
• Jim Gaffigan's advice to parents of young kids: It only gets worse
• Super Bowl Sunday: The pageantry and the gluttony
  
• Jim Gaffigan on 2022: The future is here!
  
• What would Jesus want for his birthday?
• Jim Gaffigan on the perils of aging gracefully
  
• On getting the whole lockdown thing wrong
• 2020, please turn your notifications off
• Jim Gaffigan on his first drive-in standup show
• On living in a time warp
• On acquiring a green thumb
• Summer memories, '50s style
  
• Blondes' bad rap

In:
• Jim Gaffigan